Born in mainland China, Lillian’s (alias) parents were divorced before she was born, so she never met her biological father. Her mother had to travel far away for work, making her a “left-behind child” in the hands of her grandmother and aunt. However, neither her mother nor her relatives could tolerate Lillian’s carelessness and small mistakes. They educated her by scolding or beating her.

Injuries Discovered

Her mother later remarried and they moved to HK. Lillian became a cross-boundary student attending a HK school. After a while, her mother divorced again. She stayed with her mother and continued to be beaten and scolded on trivial matters. Although she was attacked many times by her mother since childhood, she remained silent. Until one day, a teacher discovered the injuries under her mask. Upon inquiries, the school decided to call the police and send her to hospital. She was then rescued from domestic violence and moved into a children’s residential home at the age of 14.

During the first two years in the residential home, Lillian took dance classes and remained a member of the school choir. Entering adolescence, she was obsessed with animation and loved role-playing. She would dress up meticulously and put on beautiful costumes. She met other cosplayers at the annual Animation-Comic-Game Hong Kong held at the HKCEC. By playing as a virtual character, it seemed she found some self-values and realized some personal dreams. But in reality, she continued to suffer from nightmares, mood swing and auditory hallucinations, which affected her social life in the residential home.

Timely Help

Lillian’s residential home provides services including Project 3R* supported by the Community Chest of Hong Kong and provides comprehensive care for residential children and youth. She was first introduced to 3R because of her skin problems. She thought she had a strange skin disease which caused redness and swell. 3R dermatologist diagnosed that the disease was inherited. After appropriate treatment, her condition was relieved and she learnt to coexist with it.

In general, home care children can go home temporarily on weekends, but to Lillian, this means a vicious cycle of being abused. At the age of 16, she was referred to 3R psychiatrist for assessment on her mood swings – laughing, crying or losing temper unpredictably. She was diagnosed insomnia and ADHD (predominantly inattention). This may help explain why her relatives reacted badly to Lillian’s repeated small mistakes since childhood. After taking prescribed medication, she felt quite good. Finally, she could concentrate in class and prepare well for the public exams next year.

She was grateful to 3R psychiatrist who carefully adjusted the medication that helped her sleep better, and improved her mind and spirit. For a period of time, she also received CP counseling from her residential home, which helped stabilize her mood. She thinks that low-income family like hers will not be able to afford such medical expenses. She cherishes 3R resources and the timely treatment.

It is a pity that her relative refused counseling and the relative’s mood did not improve. Lillian, on the other hand, grew up in a right environment and received various treatments. Eventually, she realized that she could say “no.” Therefore, she chose to take a break from seeing her potential “abuser” on weekends, which gave her much peace of mind.

Believe in Tomorrow

Having dissected small animals in biology classes, Lillian imagined one day she could assist a surgeon in an operating theatre. She hopes to pursue education in biochemistry or nursing and create a better future of her own.

Children who experienced trauma are grateful for the nourishment of love, like glue repairing fragments. It helps integrate their broken body and mind, regain strength and set sail for their dreams.

*Right Care, Right Time & Right Team (3R) Project is jointly organized by Evangel Children’s Home, Precious Blood Children’s Village and Sisters of the Good Shepherd, to provide comprehensive care plan for the admitted children.

“Am I living to survive or to make a living?” A youth who living in our hostel asked one day.  Life has various pursuits. However, when someone is still worried about having enough food or a stable place to live every day, in lack of support, he/she may feel exhausted or stuck, and unable to move forward. Bing Bing (alias), who got help from SLY⁽¹⁾ program, broke through the “basic level of existence” and successfully transitioned to stability.

Those youths living in our Youth Home, bear the burden of growing up with trauma and lack of family support.  They have to be independent from a young age and need to balance between their studies and earn a living. They struggle to meet their basic needs and thus find it difficult to establish a sense of security and self-esteem. In turn, their motivation for social interaction and personal development is affected. According to *Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory^, they remain at the lowest level, ie. basic level of existence.Bing Bing is one of them.

Bing Bing comes from a single-parent family that faces severe financial difficulties. While trying to make a living, she also has to pay for her basic diploma tuition fees. When she sought help from her mother, she was met with cold stares and harsh words. Bing Bing felt angry at her mother’s lack of care and began to see herself as useless and worthless. Fortunately, a social worker referred her to Evangel Children’s Home Youth Hostel and helped her apply for a startup fund, which assisted Bing Bing in facing her difficult situation timely and transitioning to stability.

When Bing Bing first moved into the Youth home, her emotions were often unstable, and became much stressed when her studies were far behind. After counseling and discussions with the youth workers, Bing Bing decided to switch to work in full time. The mentors arranged an internship for her.  She performed well and was eager to learn. The internship provided her with a stable income which can lessen her burden and meet her basic living needs. As she adapted to the work routine, her emotion was more stable gradually. The program helped her to move up satisfying her safety and security needs rather than just the physiological needs.

Through her job, Bing Bing discovered a passion for brewing coffee and planned to become a barista. With a clear goal in mind, she became much more proactive and engaged compared to the early stage she was referred to live in. She is learning different coffee brewing techniques diligently, striving to move up the career and social ladder rather than remain at the “basic level of existence” (described in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory^).

Our ECH youth worker encourage the young people in the hostel to take steps to overcome their difficulties. With our service intervention, we walk alongside with them, providing support and strength, helping them break through the “basic level of existence.”

 Keynote: SLY⁽¹⁾ Program –Second Chance in Life – Transitional Youth Sponsorship Program

Whenever we met Elaine (alias), she smiled always.  Whatever we told or asked her, she responded spontaneously with “yes”, “it doesn’t matter”, “whatever”, etc.  She has encountered many difficulties in these years and we understood her days were not easy.  We appreciated her positive attitude when we found she was temperless and willing to help others, with her smiley face on.

However, we found Elaine was not really a “yes-man” indeed.  When she said “it doesn’t matter” but did not mean it; her facial expression could not help disclosing her ‘disagreement’ deep inside her heart. This discrepancy made her smile not authentic at all.

The coach discussed this ‘tip of iceberg’ with Elaine and investigated her iceberg underwater together.  The impact from those barriers which she met in her life, made her not dare to express herself.  She thought she could avoid any conflict from peoples around her after she said “yes” and just accepted others’ request, no matter she liked it or not. But, this would only suppress her feeling and ignore her real thought inside.  This would not help her in solving problem at all, it even made it worse repeatedly.

When she knew the reason behind, she got the clue and understood there could be other way out. The coach encouraged Elaine to start how to speak out her thought and express more about her own feeling and needs.  In order to learn how to love and protect herself, Elaine had to learn not to say “it doesn’t matter” everytime.