Whenever we met Elaine (alias), she smiled always. Whatever we told or asked her, she responded spontaneously with “yes”, “it doesn’t matter”, “whatever”, etc. She has encountered many difficulties in these years and we understood her days were not easy. We appreciated her positive attitude when we found she was temperless and willing to help others, with her smiley face on.
However, we found Elaine was not really a “yes-man” indeed. When she said “it doesn’t matter” but did not mean it; her facial expression could not help disclosing her ‘disagreement’ deep inside her heart. This discrepancy made her smile not authentic at all.
The coach discussed this ‘tip of iceberg’ with Elaine and investigated her iceberg underwater together. The impact from those barriers which she met in her life, made her not dare to express herself. She thought she could avoid any conflict from peoples around her after she said “yes” and just accepted others’ request, no matter she liked it or not. But, this would only suppress her feeling and ignore her real thought inside. This would not help her in solving problem at all, it even made it worse repeatedly.
When she knew the reason behind, she got the clue and understood there could be other way out. The coach encouraged Elaine to start how to speak out her thought and express more about her own feeling and needs. In order to learn how to love and protect herself, Elaine had to learn not to say “it doesn’t matter” everytime.
